If You Were Gay
by everyonedeservesachancetoFLY
Summary: "Ah, an afternoon alone with my piano... no Prussia to bother me... how could it get any better than this?" In which Prussia has something to say to Austria, and as usual, he won't give up until he's gotten his point across. And Austria just wants to play the piano.


**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, and neither is the song "If You Were Gay"!**

**A/N: My parents took me to see Avenue Q for my birthday last month! It was awesome! Anyway, during "If You Were Gay" (okay, during most of the moments including Rod and Nicky…) I couldn't help but think of how perfectly it would fit for Prussia and Austria. I think I died a bit on the inside from laughing so hard…**

**Oh, another moment that I laughed really hard at was "My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada." I was like, no, Austria! That's Prussia's other boyfriend who lives in Canada! Ohh, life. That play was one of the most entertaining things I've ever seen.**

**Also, I'm aware that this has already been done by Pit-Trap! I'm not making my fic exactly like hers, so I think it's okay… her fic is awesome, and mine shall be awesome with different twists. There you go. **

**Oh! By the way, I changed some of the dialogue at the beginning from the dialogue in Avenue Q so that it would apply to the characters better.**

It was a perfectly normal day at Austria's house in almost all respects. As usual, Austria was just sitting down at his piano to begin playing, but unlike most days, Prussia hadn't broken into the house to act like a moron and declare his awesomeness today.

Austria was smiling slightly as he went through his sheet music, selecting a piece to play. "Ah, an afternoon alone with my piano… no Prussia to bother me… how could it get any better than this?"

Unfortunately for him, at that exact moment he was cut off by the front door slamming open and an all-too-familiar obnoxious voice calling out, "HI, RODDY! THE AWESOME ME IS HERE!"

"Spoken too soon…" Austria sighed annoyedly and returned the greeting as Prussia strode into the room. "Hello, Gilbert."

The mentioned albino flopped down on the sofa a little ways behind the piano, putting his feet on the armrest.

Austria flinched a bit. "Prussia, get your shoes off of my furniture."

Prussia, of course, didn't listen. "Hey, Austria!"

"Yes… I'm right here…"

"You'll never guess what happened to me when I was at a bar with France and Spain this morning!" (Austria vaguely wondered why those three went to a bar in the morning.) "They were going on and on about England and Romano and how cute they are when they pretend not to love them back, and then they asked me about you!"

Austria frowned. "Me? Why me?"

"Well, you used to be married to Spain, remember?"

"Yes, I remember that…"

"So obviously at least part of you likes guys, and I think they thought I was gay too!" Prussia declared knowingly.

Austria blushed. "That was for political reasons! And I was also married to Hungary!"

Prussia waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, she just married you in hopes of getting footage of you with Switzerland or someone. You divorced her, too, anyway!" He stretched out, flexing his bicep. "And, you know, this awesomeness is pretty hard to resist."

Austria turned back toward his piano. "Prussia, I don't care about your so-called awesomeness. I am trying to play."

"But I just think that this is something we should be able to talk about!"

"Well, I don't want to talk about it, Prussia. This conversation is over."

"But Austria –"

"OVER."

"Well, okay, but just so you know…" Prussia grinned evilly and began to _sing_, of all things. "If you were gay, that'd be okay… I mean, 'cause, hey, ah! I'd like you anyway!"

Austria looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

Prussia continued. "Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay! But I'm not gay."

"Prussia, please, I am trying to look at my music." Austria looked back at his sheet music and tried to refocus on choosing a piece.

Prussia got up and inched closer to the brunet, smirking mischievously.

"What?"

"If you were queer…"

"Ugh, Prussia…"

"I'd still be here…"

"Prussia, I am trying to play the piano."

"Year after year…"

"Prussia!"

"Because you're dear to me!" Prussia grabbed Austria's sheet music and tossed it over his shoulder, causing the other to cry out in frustration. "And I know that you…"

"What?" Austria turned around, crossing his arms and glaring at Prussia.

"Would accept me, too…"

"I would?"

"If I told you today, 'Hey, guess what? I'm gay!' But I'm not gay."

Austria gave up and tried to walk away.

Prussia would allow none of that. He grabbed Austria's shoulder and spun him around so that they were face to face again. "I'm happy just being with you!"

Austria tried to walk past Prussia in the other direction, talking to himself to block out the albino's singing. "Für Elise, Minuet in C Major…"

"So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?" Prussia sang loudly, doing exaggerated pelvic thrusts on each syllable of the second part.

Austria blushed bright red. "Prussia, that is gross!"

Prussia laughed. "NO, IT'S NOT!" He grabbed Austria's waist. "If you were gay, I'd shout HOORAY!"

Austria pulled away from Prussia and tried to leave again. "I'm not listening…"

"And here I'd stay!" Prussia persisted.

"La la la la la la…"

"But I wouldn't get in your way!"

Austria suddenly found himself being grabbed again by Prussia and dipped backward. "AHH!"

"You can count on me to always be," Prussia continued, making Austria dance with him. "Beside you every day to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way, and as they say, it's in your DNA, you're gay!"

"I am NOT gay!" yelled Austria, pushing Prussia away from him. The albino was decidedly a bit drunk from his bar escapade that morning, as he fell over.

"If you WERE gay!" Prussia concluded, sitting up with the same devious smirk on his face that he'd worn throughout his song.

"Ah!" Austria face-palmed and finally walked out uninterrupted.

**A/N: There you have it…**

**I actually finished writing this about two weeks ago, but I just never got around to posting it until now. Because my parents aren't home at the moment. *shot***

**The two classical pieces I mentioned when Austria was talking to himself are ones I randomly selected from a classical piano book I have.**

**And yes… yes, I do ship PruAus… (although I also like Edelweiss, PruCan, sometimes PruHun, and Spain/Austria as a past couple – Chibiromano was really jealous, poor little baby – but I refuse to ship AusHun… EVER. It's not even that I'm against het couples… I love Estonia/Ukraine, for instance… I just can't ship those two).**

**Well, you know the drill… reviewers shall be given cookies that I did not bake because my cooking skills are somewhat akin to England's. Those who don't review shall be given cookies that England and I baked because I got him out of the anime world and we had a toxic baking session. I'd really advise you to review…**


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